Will You Trust Me?

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Looking through old Throwback Thursday photos is one of my favorite things to do on Facebook and Instagram. So I thought I’d do a different kind of Throwback Thursday, one that takes a look back at the most difficult season of our lives.

The fact that our three Minnesota years were difficult wasn’t hidden from my readers ~ but exactly how difficult was. I want to take a moment to reiterate that it wasn’t the state of Minnesota itself, or the people of Minnesota, instead it happened to be the address of where God did his deepest, most painful, life altering work on us as a couple and as a family.

I’ve written before about ‘difficult’ and how one can never judge another’s ‘difficult’. I suppose there are varying degrees, but outside of death and dying, ‘difficult’  is solely determined by the bearer of the hard times. What we went through was a series of uncomfortable circumstances that crossed family lines, career lines, spiritual lines, and ultimately financial lines and tested me to my core. Before Minnesota, I would have told you I was a very strong person. Before Minnesota, I used to joke about having quit in me, but really would have thought I’d never quit anything. Before Minnesota I would have thought I completely trusted God.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, knew I didn’t trust Him. 

It was a surprise to me, but at the end of March, 2014, I ran smack dab into my own fear and the realization that I was scared to let go of the sparse little threads I was clutching, and fully trust God. While the circumstances scared the life out of me, I had the strongest sense that God was asking me to trust Him. I wanted to so badly, but my recollection of the past four years of our life made me think twice about letting go. In essense, I based my decision not to fully trust Him on what I thought He ‘did’ to us. As shameful as it is to admit, I had a hard time seeing His love in the process. We were without a job, without income, and without health insurance, and the God I had walked with and taught about and served seemed really far away.

And then, when pressed to let everything go, when I was keenly aware of how pitifully shredded the strings I tried to grasp were, I let go. Free of the fear of what if, I faced what if  head on…and conquered it! God had me all along, He just wanted me to let go of everything. He wanted me to fully trust Him.

What happened between the end of March and the beginning of June can only be described as miraculous. Somehow, some way, He orchestrated new circumstances for us. Circumstances that crossed family lines, career lines, spiritual lines, and financial lines ~ only this time we stood by and watched Him open up supernatural doors for us. Because I completely let everything go, I really don’t know how it is that I’m sitting in the office of the home that He gave us. I can’t possibly explain it. It certainly wasn’t because of our bank account, it wasn’t because of a job, and it most definitely wasn’t because we deserve it. Plain and simple, it’s because He loves us. And He loves you. And he can most definitely be trusted.

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I’ll never begin to suggest that I have all the answers, but if I can offer any advice, I’d tell anyone to begin with trust. Trust His ways, trust His Word, and trust His love. In the strangest twist, I would have never imagined that I would come out of the past four years of ‘difficult’ firmly knowing the depths of His love. It would seem like the opposite effect would be in order, one where I shrink from Him and run my life by myself. I urge you to let go of anything you’re attempting to hold onto. He can do way more with it that you can.

Looking out the arched windows of the house that God gave us reminds me of that every day.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Beverly says:

    Kim, All I can say is thank you. It is so encouraging to know that so many go through this. I have not yet come out on the other end but I am trusting God will lead me there.

  2. Troy Cooper says:

    Kim, you know that saying, ” hearing something at the time it is needed most. That’s what this message is for me. Thank you the timing it is uncanny.

  3. Thanks for sharing Kim. Knowing a small part of what you went through and some of the miraculous ways God worked in the situation are stories that need to be told. Thanks for the encouraging words. Keep trusting HIM alone. As I always told my kids, ‘He’s the only one that will never let you down.’ “But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still ‘today’, lest any one if you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin .” Hebrews 3:13. Love, Ginger

  4. Patti Carollo says:

    Dear Kind-Hearted, Sweet-Hearted, & Compassionte-Hearted Kim <3 ~ Such BEAUTIFUL & ENCOURAGING WORDS!!!
    Thanks for your transparent post! Praying for God's shining face to shine upon you and your family, and His richest BLESSINGS!! as you transistion into what he has in store for you!!

    HIS best is yet to come! <3

    With LOVE,
    Patti

  5. Kari Amundson says:

    I can so relate to this story.
    So many job losses, and my Father passing out of the blue very stressful. Continued to press on & trusting God for everything. Then, I got hit with the worst news. You have stage 3 Colon Cancer. No insurance or income!
    I have had sooo many procedures and almost died, but God has carried me through my darkest days.
    I am disabled, and still battle many challenges daily, but God is my only anchor to carry me through.
    My hardest challenge is trusting him daily for everything I need and I mean literally that. I always, have provided for myself, worked, had a car and ministry. My life has altered a lot, but I choose to press on.

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