A Spiritual Chill

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When I first started writing this blog, I thought it would be fun to give an inside look at life as an NFL Coach’s family. In retrospect, I really thought it would be all good news; that’s a weakness I have, thinking things will always go smoothly. But once our coaching circumstances took a turn towards difficult, I chose to be honest and vulnerable; and, well, there’s no turning back now.

Earlier this off-season Mike had two interviews: one for head coach of the Chicago Bears, and one for Defensive Coordinator of the St. Louis Rams. Both times, we thought for sure, were ‘it’. I saw both positions as an opportunity for God to show up in a mighty way, just in the nick of time, to rescue us from living on a mere 10% of our income of the last 3 years, which is our current situation here in Minnesota. God had other plans.

The Bears’ decision was made several weeks ago, but when the Rams announced their choice for Defensive Coordinator, I must confess I tanked a little. I certainly didn’t renounce my faith, nothing as dramatic as turning my back on God, but I have to be honest that it was a ‘no’ I didn’t want to hear, and certainly couldn’t understand. I’m not overly proud to admit it, but I had a really difficult time finding the good in staying in Minnesota and enduring a financial struggle.

In the far recesses of my mind, in the depths of my heart, I tried to ignore the whisper I heard, “Trust Me.” I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to trust Him. I wanted to make a big, bold announcement that we’d be moving any minute now to a new, exciting location ~ preferably 40 degrees warmer than the Twin Cities. Instead, I’m forced to stay here and put my faith in action. I’m actually being asked to walk the talk. God is trusting me to teach and lead from a place of uncomfortable personal experience. And while I’m currently living on uncomfortable street, He’s excited that I’ll be able to empathize with the vast number of folks whose budgets are a precarious balancing act every month.

After a couple intentionally distant days of prayer and reflection, I asked Him to help me see His grace at work. I knew He was still doing good things, but I was temporarily blinded by my pouting, dejected spirit. At the time of my request, the weather reports called for a cold snap dropping temperatures below zero and wind chills reaching 30 below with another snowstorm expected to drop 6-9 inches at the end of the week; one of the girls’ quarter tuition bills arrived; the garage door opener broke; and Mike and I are smack-dab in the middle of a food cleanse involving more green shakes than I ever thought I’d be capable of drinking. In short, I could see NOTHING to be thankful for. (I warned you…it was a serious pout.)

As soon as I asked for my eyes to be opened to His grace, He honored my request. First, Mike was able to get our rent significantly reduced, allowing us to stay in the home we’ve been in. We had dinner with John and Becky and over the course of their conversations I recognized that they are both excited about learning and challenging themselves academically. For THIS family, that is something to rejoice about!

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And then, the topper…our accountant informed us of his initial estimation for a generous tax return. A return that will afford us a little financial breathing room. And the whisper of “Trust Me” got a little more audible.

I don’t know how things will go for the remainder of the year; I DO know that being forced to trust Him is scary…in the most exciting way possible.

 

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Comments

  1. Tammie says:

    Such an “on time message” Thank you for sharing with honesty and vulnerabilty. Trusting indeed is very scary.

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